525,600 minutes.

One year ago today, Greg and I went to our disclosure meeting. That was the last day that we were not parents. We got to tell our little one that we were his mommy and daddy that night, and it was the first time that we were called mommy and daddy.

Our lives are just so filled with love and joy and pride because of these two amazing boys. In just this last year we have watched them grow so much. They are coming into themselves, and exploring their interests and growing. What an amazing journey this is!

Every moment of every day, we are so blessed to share in these little lives. Not every day is easy, or even fun, but every day is a gift. Sometimes it feels like they have always been with us, always been ours. Other times we think how could it possibly be a year already! The only thing we know is that from the first moment we saw them, they became ours. We are so excited to see what the future holds!

As this anniversary comes, Greg and I have discussed how many little anniversaries we have with them. After this one is March 7th, which is the first time we met big guy, and the first family dinner. Then, March 9th was the first night they spent the night with us. Then comes move-in-day, March 28th, and of course, Adoption Day, July 22nd. We want to celebrate each of these, but we obviously can't go too crazy!!! So the game plan is we will do little things for each one; A movie on March 7th, probably a slumber party (for the four of us) on March 9th, Ice cream cake for move in day (we had sundaes to celebrate that night), and July 22nd is a big deal. We are thinking family trip for that one!

Sorry about not updating in a while. It's busy around here! I will do a post (or two!) about what's been happening since September in the next few days!

It's 2am...why am I posting?

So, it's been a while.

Like, a long while.

What can I say? It's busy! The boys are in school, and working hard. I can't even explain to you how much they are growing, and being amazing.

Little Munchkin started kindergarten. He is learning so much. He comes home some days, and I can see it in his eyes. He is just so tired! He has, at least twice a week since school started, gone to bed at 4pm and slept till morning!

Big Munchkin is in second grade. He is learning cursive, and multiplication, and getting used to doing things the Montessori way, since the boys are now in a Montessori school. He has a couple of friends (including a little girl!!! Do I hear wedding bells????), and is doing well overall.

Little Munchkin is in a phase of fibbing, and seeing what he can get away with in general. He does things like hides his dirty laundry instead of putting it in the hamper. That is literally.outside.his.door. He lies about EVERYTHING. My newest method is to sort of ignore it. Me: "Wash your hands please." Him: "I did!" Me: "Ok, do it again please."

Big Munchkin is dealing with feelings about bio mom still, now leaning towards being mad at her because "she couldn't take care of us", in his words. He also is having a little jealousy when we spend time with his brother, like, at all. There is definitely some one sided sibling rivalry. He tattles on John ANY chance he gets. He doesn't like to go in the ladies room, so our compromise is that when there is the opportunity, he can go in the family restroom, with his brother, and I will stand outside unless I need to go in. The other day, he actually LEFT his brother in the restroom, to come out and tell me that his brother had the NERVE, the GALL, to flush the toilet....TWICE!!!!! I immediately went in with him, and told him that it is NOT ok to leave your brother alone in a restroom, EVER.

Which leads me to how I am doing. I....yell a lot. I reach my limit fast. I lose my temper quickly. Let me be clear that I do not call my kids, or anyone else names, or anything like that. It's more like "WHY ISN'T YOUR ROOM CLEAN YET!!!!" Part of it is parenting in emergency mode, which I understand may last a while, but not forever.  My parents were awesome parents. They did all the right stuff for us, but both of them tended to lose their tempers quickly, for a multitude of reasons. Now, I realize that, and I recognize and own that I have the same issue, and it's my job to change it for my kids. One thing I have done is taken some of the load off me. It was my job, every morning, to wake them up, and then direct everyones every move all morning. Now, they have chore charts (pictures for our pre-reader) and they know we leave the house at 8am, and if they didn't have time to finish breakfast, that's just too bad. Showers also have new time limits, since we were having a big issue with 30 minute showers (they just let the water run over them, or would turn the water on then go get their towels, then brush their teeth, all with the water on), which was a big trigger for me. If the boys know what they are supposed to do, I don't have to tell them. If it isn't done, they don't get points. In the near future they will get allowance, and if you don't have enough points, a certain amount of your allowance will have to be paid. I also have taken my own advice, and take some deep breathes whenever I feel myself getting stressed. I also give myself time outs. I will just tell them "Mommy needs a minute", and go into my room and just chill till I can handle it. I also rely on structured schedules (thanks to chore charts, and calendars all over the house so they know what to expect all the time) to help keep things on an even-keel. The boys do help out around the house. They do laundry, empty the bathroom trash, spray the shower at night, let out and feed the dogs, as well as setting/clearing the table, and things like setting out their clothes at night and cleaning up their rooms/making their beds. I also make sure that I apologize to them ASAP when I do yell, so that they know that it is MY issue, not theirs. I am getting better, but I still need to work at it.

All in all, I am more in love with these little guys every day, and I can't imagine what life would be like without their silliness and love and sweetness in my life. We are so incredibly blessed.

90 Days

Yesterday marked the 90th day that our boys have lived with us, which means that we can officially petition for adoption! We should have a court date by July 1st! To mark the occassion, some family came over for dessert ( a cake that Little Munchkin helped bake from scratch, and Big Munchkin decorated!) and we toasted them and celebrated how much we love them and just spent time together as a family.

90 days of good mornings and good nights
90 breakfasts and dinners
90 days of laundry
90 days of bedtime stories
90 days of kisses
90 days of play
90 days of thinking chairs
90 days of "I love you"

Only 90, and at the same time, a whole 90! Depending on how I think about it, it feels like it's been forever, or just a few moments.

I feel like I have known and loved these boys forever, but it seems like only yesterday that I got that phone call.

When they have a hard time going to bed it feels like "I can't believe he is still doing this!", but it really hasn't been long at all. Now, in retrospect, Big Munchkin maybe had one really bad month, and Little Munchkin has had a bad week or two. Considering that they have been uprooted from the one place they finally felt safe, after a series of different foster homes and placements, that they knew they were not going to attend the same school next year, and still has to adjust to two new people who have new rules and new ways of doing things, it's only been 3 months. I mean, I almost feel silly for feeling so frustrated.

There's a lesson there for me. It is important to take it moment by moment, but it is also important to make sure you are taking a good look at the big picture.

90 wonderful, fabulous days with my boys.

Becoming a Family

Our sweet angels have been with us for about a month and a half now.

Every day, and every minute has its ups and downs, and we are still getting used to eachother, and learning how to be a family. Mornings are rough. Bedtime is worse.There is still arguing. There is still a lot of "thinking chairs". Right now, it is the in between moments that I realize how happy I am to be a mom, to be their mom. I am so incredibly blessed. The last few days that I have dropped them off to school and am suddenly by myself, I become overwhelmed with the amount of love I have for these two, wonderful, incredible, amazing boys.

I remember life before they were here. Maybe it is because I am still new at this, but life before these guys seems to lack color now. Sure, it was easier, and I didn't have to worry about the happiness and wellbeing of two other little people, but sometimes just because sometimes something is easy, doesn't make it better. In fact, I find the old saying that anything worth having is worth fighting for is completely true. This has been frustrating, scary, sad, physically and emotionally exhausting, but I am so glad that we did it, every moment of every day.

I love you boys more than I think you will ever know.

Praise

Sometimes things I do when parenting spill over into my interactions with adults. Sometimes it's not so great (I have told my husband that he needs to clear his dinner plates from the table before he can have dessert. Force of habit!).  Other times it can be a moment of epiphany.

One of the things that we must do to encourage a bond between us and the boys is try really hard to notice, and acknowledge, the little things they do that are right and good. "Great job tying your shoe!","Thank you for putting your seatbelt on!",  "Thank you for spitting less on the mirror, more in the sink!", and so on. It lets them know that I care about them, and that I notice that they are trying their best. They feel appreciated, and are more likely to pay attention when I tell them to correct their behavior, because they know they will receive more praise once they do.

I have noticed that we do not do this with our adult interactions nearly enough. Today a customer gave me two fives instead of a ten. Without even thinking I said "I really appreciate the small bills! Thank you!" She smiled, and we had a great conversation. People do not often feel that they are fully appreciated for their efforts. If we all took the second of time to just acknowledge the little things, we could all be a lot happier!

One Week Later

It has been a little over a week since both boys officially moved in. It has been exhausting, tiring, grating, scary, hilarious, fun, sweet, amazing, wonderful, fantastic. We have had so much fun, from car rides singing Wee Sing Silly Songs, to playing board games and card games, to teaching them to ride bikes and dinner conversations. We love these boys so much, and already can't imagine life without them. My heart is so full with love and joy. We look forward to watching them grow up, and watching them be kids!

I want to say that before I continue this post. I am writing this post as an informative one. I can't tell you how many times I Googled "What to expect during adoption transitioning" and "What to expect the first week your adoptive child moves in" or variations thereof. I hardly saw an answer that made me feel better, or told me how to prepare, or just someone saying what they were seeing. I want to provide a clear picture, just so that anyone who might read this who is considering adoption has an idea. I also want to protect the boys privacy, so I will provide as much info as I can. If you have specific questions, please contact us!

We are so happy to have our family all together. But it is an adjustment for everyone. Greg and I feel we are prepared for everything that has come our way as far as behavior, and we expected it, but it's still hard.

The boys have a really hard time at night. They are both afraid of the dark, which is normal, but they also do not like the peace and solitude that comes with bedtime. It is hard when all of your thoughts come rushing to you at once. It is harder if you are a little boy who has just moved to ANOTHER new place, with more new people and new rules, on top of missing their old families and friends. It's a lot for anyone. It has been a fight every night for them to get to sleep. They are vying for control as well. These little boys feel they can not trust adults to take care of them, so they test our control, and our ability to take care of them. Our little one is much less traumatized, and has a lot more good nights than bad. He also has a different personality than our big guy. Big guy is quiet and introspective. He also remembers a lot more than his little brother. His foster mother once described him as a little old man; he is quiet, doesn't like a lot of noise or fuss, and is a little grumpy. Lately though, there are shining moments where you can see the kid coming out in him.
Our little munchkin is a really picky eater. He has a hard time with hard or crunchy foods, like raw carrots, and really only wants to eat pizza, and maybe an occassional mac and cheese. He ate the foods he wasn't fond of (namely, all vegetables) for his foster parents with no problem, but we are new people so now he refuses. He too, is improving as he learns the rules and expectations. I also sneak vegetables into his foods, like a can of pumpkin in a batch of chocolate banana smoothies, or a little spinach in the lasagna.

As far as what behavior issues we expected to see, this is nothing. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. So far, we have only had two incidents of throwing things, a pillow and a stuffed animal. We do have some lying, but most of it is normal, and the behavior seems to be clearing up as we bond. We have had a little bit of defiance, again, mostly at bedtime, but also regarding bath time and meal time, which for traumatized children, are the worst times of day. We have about two tantrums a day per boy, which isn't that bad, and also seems to be improving in length if not in frequency.

The thing that will help everything else is bonding. With our little munchkin, this has been pretty easy. For most of the day he is a happy kid who actively seeks to bond with us. When he has a thinking chair, he will say he does not want to be adopted, but then he will crawl into my lap afterwards and pet my face and call me mommy. Our big munchkin will seek to bond occassionally, but he spends a lot of time actively seeking to push us away. As of Thursday and Friday, he really seemed to be opening up to us though. He was cuddly and wanted to be hugged, and asked if I could come have lunch with him at school one day. He also said that he would like for me to volunteer at school next year, which when originally suggested, he was very adament that I not do that. Not coincidentally, he went to bed no problem last night for the first time.

All together, there is more good than bad, and the good just keeps getting better. If you are where I am today sometime in the future, I can tell you it will continue to be more and more awesome every day!

Day By Day

So the boys spent all of last weekend with us. K was on Spring Break, so he even got to hang out for a while Monday.

It was an overwhelming weekend, especially for K, because he is a little older. A new family, a new house, is all a lot to take in. On top of that, it was Greg's birthday and we had some family in town, so they met a lot of new people, and were overstimulated. He had a good time though, and seemed to really enjoy himself! P has a hard time at bedtime and when he first awakes, and really REALLY does not like to be disciplined but the rest of the day is absolutely wonderful.

P spent most of the week with us, and basically wants to be here all the time. He asks (yells really) for his foster mom when we tell him it's bedtime, when it's time to take a shower, and when he has to have a time out. As soon as he has calmed down, he is all smiles and very lovey dovey. He does tell me he misses her sometimes, so I tell him he can call her or when he will see her next.

This weekend has been a little more normal. K spent the night Saturday, and during the day we went to a kid's birthday party. Then we had a nice quiet dinner and played with toys and in the back yard. K had a little breakdown about going to bed, but nothing big, and we talked about it in the morning and I think all is well!

As far as them moving in, P is not officially moved in, but is now spending more time here than at his foster family's home. K is transitioning a little more slowly. He has spent the weekends with us, and called us while at his foster mom's, but I think in the coming weeks will be spending a lot more time with us.

K especially loves spending time with Greg! He wants to be with him most of the time. He wants to do everything he does, and takes an interest in everything Greg likes. It's incredibly adorable! K loves legos, reading and more quiet activities, but he is really good at outdoor stuff and sports too. He is just such a sweet kid!

P wants to do whatever his big brother is doing, or if that isn't an option, is absolutely and completely obsessed with Hungry Hungry Hippos, and the book Green Eggs and Ham. He also seems to have a real interest in music, which is great, because we are a pretty musical family! He is a silly, giggly, little boy!

Overall, my house is an absolute disaster, I didn't get to wash my hair or shave my legs for a week, I am super behind on returning phone calls and emails, but I am so incredibly happy. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because, especially while the boys are transitioning, nothing is more important than spending time with them however I can.