The next step in our journey...

I really stink at updating this blog, unless there's big news!

It's been 2 years since the boys were legally adopted, although I can't imagine a time before them. They are just so wonderful. Yes, we have our issues, and bad days, but they are our joy always.

So for a while, we have discussed fostering. The boys want more siblings (brothers, although Dan would like a sister like his little cousin we had for 10 months as relative caregivers). We would love to have more kids around,  and our homestudy is out there, but we are being very careful because a match has to be right for everyone. In the meantime, we have extra space and decided that fostering is a great way to help, and to give back for all our blessings.

We could be licensed as early as next week for one child under the age of 1! Our boys know that we are helping care for a baby whose parents need extra time and help to be ready to be the childs parents, and they know that the baby will go home, and that in the meantime we love and treat the baby like family. They are excited, as they loved having their baby cousin around!

Saying No...

Greg and I received the home study of a child available for adoption. We don't want to share details as to protect the child's privacy, so it is sufficient to say that we had to say no to adopting them.

Saying no is one of the hardest things I have experienced so far. There is a lot of guilt attached to it. I know it was the right thing to do, but still, it means that that child still does not have a forever home.

I know our kids are out there, and I know we have to keep our needs in mind. But it breaks my heart that I couldn't give that child a home.

Results!

Today, around 1pm I got an e-mail with our homestudy first draft attached. There were a couple of errors, so they have to be fixed, but at least things are moving again! The errors were minor. She wrote that our moms live in Northport, but they live in Sarasota, and she said my dad remarried when I was in 2nd grade, but that was when they met. There were a couple more, but nothing serious. I called her and left a message, but it was after 4 so I won't hear back until tomorrow probably.

In the meantime, I also found out that the results of our background checks are in. That means all that's left is to finalize the homestudy itself, a few minor pieces of paperwork (copies of our car insurance, etc.), and then we can be approved!

Want to see the coolest sentence ever? Sorry for the blurry picture, but read the very last line!

Mythbusters: Public Adoption Edition

There are a lot of things people will tell you about public adoption. These people will be misguided family or friends, articles, your social workers, the agency, doctors, etc. Here are the myths we have heard, and the truths we have learned. Keep in mind, thus far our experience is only with public adoption, so we can only speak to that type of adoption!


Top 4 Myths About Public Adoption
1. All children who are up for public adoption have serious issues, and won't attach.
This one is so super duper untrue it's silly. We have met several adoptive parents and their kids, adopted from infancy, all the way to age 12. The strength of the bond that they have is equal to that of birth parents and children. Many of the children who are in foster care suffer from trauma, developmental delays and some sort of handicap. Many of them are perfectly fine after having had time to catch up thanks to the time and effort of great foster parents who have helped nurture these childrens in ways they have not experienced. Some are still a little behind, but they do catch up. There are parents for those that are handicapped, who can handle, and even embrace, their disabilities.

2. The parents or other birth relatives will try to get the kids back.
 Once the parental rights have been terminated, and a child is legally adopted by another family, they can not get a child back. Your name(s) are listed on the edited birth certificate. You are from that point, and forever that childs parents.

3. The homestudy process in public adoption is quick. You should be in the matching process about 6 months from when you started.
I think caseworkers are afraid of people turning down the opportunity to adopt, so they continually give you the best case scenario. In Florida, MAPP classes are 10 weeks, then you have to wait to be assigned a caseworker (3-6 months) who will then try to make time to do your homestudy (if you get lucky, a month or so). THEN you have your FBI/criminal background check (a few weeks from the day you have your fingerprints done). As of right now, we are waiting to hear about our background checks, so it has been 6 months. We paid to start our homestudy however, so we did not have that initial wait thankfully. If you don't pay for your homestudy it would be 3-6 months on top of everything else through public adoption.

4. If you have an open adoption, or any contact with any relatives, your child will not attach, or will be confused.
I have met several adoptive and foster parents who have very open relationships with birth family. The children are not confused at all. They understand that their adoptive parents are the number one authority, they are the people who provide comfort, security and direction, and the birth parents are like extended family. Imagine if the the first few years of your life were completely wiped from existence; wouldn't that be more confusing? If the entirety of their birth family is rejected, it can cause the child to feel that a part of themself is not good enough, and should also be rejected. By allowing for positive role models from the birth family to be involved with the child, and showing that you can accept them too, you are telling the child that there is no part of them that you do not want.

These are the biggies. I am sure there are more, and I will add to the list as I see them!

Homestudy and Loose Ends

Gianna here!

Our homestudy was last Thursday. I meant to write about it right away, but I have been so busy I didn't have a chance.

Greg and I were super stressed about it. We had been cleaning and scrubbing and organizing for 2 weeks. The house looked pretty good, if I do say so myself.

Anyways, I had read somewhere that if you are stressed, NOT to work that day, because you will just be more stressed. I decided not to take that advice, and was absolutely miserable at work all day. If you are getting ready for a homestudy and reading this, I know you probably won't listen to me, but for the love of God, take that day off. Set your alarm for later in the day, and, although I know that if you are like me, you will already be awake, lying there staring at the ceiling, force yourself to stay in bed until the alarm goes off. Take it easy, do all the last minute stuff that will suddenly seem important, and do all the pacing you feel like. Do not go to work. If you're like me, you will be absolutely useless anyways.

So, our caseworker got there, and we sat in the living room and chatted. That's all. She asked questions about our lives up to when we met, like where we were born, if our parents were together, why not, how did we feel about it, what is our relationship like with our parents and siblings, what are our religious views, how will we discipline, do we prefer a certain gender, age range, and what disabilities can we handle, etc.

And then she took a 3 minute tour of our house.

That's not even an understatement. It was like "Oh, here is the downstairs, and up here are the bedrooms and the second bathroom and..oh, you are leaving? Ok, thanks."

Super duper fast. And that was it. I just had my fingerprinting done, and Greg's is scheduled for Thursday, and then we should hear something after the first of the year!

In the meantime, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Today is the day!

Gianna here.

Well this is it. Our interview for our homestudy starts tonight. I am so nervous it's a bit pathetic. I am going to work now, and I have to say it was a bad decision. I read that you should take the day off so you can relax, but I assumed I would need something to occupy my time. Nope. I could be at home pacing instead of at work messing everything up.

Our house looks great, I have to all our paperwork in order, so I have nothing to be nervous about right?

Progress!

So our check is in the hands of the case worker! That means that our home study has begun! We are so excited that the process has started! Gianna had to order a copy of her birth certificate, and we still need to clear out the room that will be our childs so that it can be put together when the time comes. We are in good shape we think, so hopefully the process will be smooth. We will more than likely have some updates on that! A lot of our friends and family have asked us if we have any particular child/children in mind. The short answer is yes. However, because a lot can change, and because we need to know that we are making the best decision for us, we have decided not to share that information, except for immediate family. This is quite a process. Once our home study is approved, we can send it to the childs caseworker. The caseworker looks it over and decides if she thinks we are a good match. IF she decides we are a good match then we make a time to meet with the childs caseworker, foster parents, and guardian ad litem, and anyone else involved. We sign a confidentiality agreement, and look over a child study, which will have all known history for that child, including medical records, school records, etc. We ask any questions we may have, and then take a couple days to mull it over. If we decide it's a good match, then we let them know and have a few visitations and talk to the child about how they feel about it (if they are old enough to make an informed decision on their own). The bottom line is, though we think we are a good match, we really know very little about this child. We don't want to get too attached or get hopes too high. We probably won't have our child or children for this Christmas, but with a little luck, we could at least have visitation with them before February!

Thanksgiving Miracles

Last night, after dinner, we were discussing with our family the costs of adoption. Since we have decided to pay, even though we are going through public adoption, we will pay for our homestudy, which is a big chunk, plus any travel expenses, notary fees, background checks, yada yada yada.... Right then, Greg's dad offered to pay the homestudy fee itself, so we could get started! Gianna could hardly contain the tears! Then, her dad and stepmom gave us a check as a belated anniversary gift to help cover outher costs! Gianna's mother has been a continual source knowledge about the system, and an ear to listen when I gripe. Greg's mom has shown her interest and support in the process. We still have a little over half of the $1,000 to earn, but we have the beginnings. We are overwhelmed with the love and support our family has offered us. We just couldn't be more thankful.

Waiting and waiting and waiting....

We are both feeling a little discouraged at the moment.

We were hoping to at least have been assigned to a caseworker at this point. So far, nothing.

We have sent e-mails, and are attending the Foster/Adoptive Parent Association meetings, and are trying to keep busy in general, but it's hard to not have an end in sight!

Some people we have met have taken as long as 6 months to start their homestudy! We were told that it shouldn't take us that long, but now we aren't so sure.

What can we do but keep busy and wait?

Keep us in your thoughts! Pray for something to happen sooner!

Why Beware of Papercuts?

I don't know if anyone paid attention to the title of the blog, but we thought a quick, fun, explanation was in order.

The bottom line is that adoption is the most paperwork you will ever submit in your life.

BEFORE you can even qualify for the PREadoptive classes, you have to submit a 20 page questionairre about your family, personal and work references, plus allow criminal background checks and affidavits of good moral character. Then, while in the classes, but before your homestudy, you submit birth certificates, marriage licenses, physicals from your doctors, taxes, etc. You also turn in homework for each class, and there are workbooks that you keep. This is all BEFORE your homestudy. Then, AFTER your homestudy, you have finalization paperwork, once you are adopting a child. So...yeah.... lots of paperwork= tons of papercuts. I think adoptive parents are personally responsible for keeping Neosporin in business.

The waiting game....

It's a long shot, really, but we talk constantly about if our child, or children are with us for the holidays. What will it be like to have our son or daughter wake up and see the Christmas tree that hopefully they will have helped decorate, or to have our son or daughter help us make dinner and cookies and pies. We can't wait to pass on all of our family traditions to this mystery person who we already love so much.

Maybe all expectant parents feel this way, but it's new territory for us.

In some ways, it feels like they are at camp, and we are waiting for them to come home. This wait has been the biggest challenge for us so far.

We have been making lots of "Before The Home Visit" lists, and then trying to get them accomplished. We want to have the house cleaned, have the spare bedroom (that will be their bedroom) cleaned up and organized, the pooches need their vaccinations and check ups, we need to clear out any clutter in any area of the house, put any "Summery stuff" in the attic, finish hanging pictures (there is one 4"x6" frame with a picture in it, and one 5"x7" frame without a picture in it hanging on the wall of the stairs where our "gallery" is supposed to be! Pretty pitiful!), decorate for the holidays, and plan for Thanksgiving, which we are having at our house this year!

In a lot of ways, it's good to stay busy because it keeps our minds off the wait. We are especially enjoying the cool weather outside right now. It is a welcome relief from the heat and humidity we have suffered through this Summer. Any time we have that isn't "to-do listing", has been outdoors! We need to enjoy this weather while we have it!