It's 2am...why am I posting?

So, it's been a while.

Like, a long while.

What can I say? It's busy! The boys are in school, and working hard. I can't even explain to you how much they are growing, and being amazing.

Little Munchkin started kindergarten. He is learning so much. He comes home some days, and I can see it in his eyes. He is just so tired! He has, at least twice a week since school started, gone to bed at 4pm and slept till morning!

Big Munchkin is in second grade. He is learning cursive, and multiplication, and getting used to doing things the Montessori way, since the boys are now in a Montessori school. He has a couple of friends (including a little girl!!! Do I hear wedding bells????), and is doing well overall.

Little Munchkin is in a phase of fibbing, and seeing what he can get away with in general. He does things like hides his dirty laundry instead of putting it in the hamper. That is literally.outside.his.door. He lies about EVERYTHING. My newest method is to sort of ignore it. Me: "Wash your hands please." Him: "I did!" Me: "Ok, do it again please."

Big Munchkin is dealing with feelings about bio mom still, now leaning towards being mad at her because "she couldn't take care of us", in his words. He also is having a little jealousy when we spend time with his brother, like, at all. There is definitely some one sided sibling rivalry. He tattles on John ANY chance he gets. He doesn't like to go in the ladies room, so our compromise is that when there is the opportunity, he can go in the family restroom, with his brother, and I will stand outside unless I need to go in. The other day, he actually LEFT his brother in the restroom, to come out and tell me that his brother had the NERVE, the GALL, to flush the toilet....TWICE!!!!! I immediately went in with him, and told him that it is NOT ok to leave your brother alone in a restroom, EVER.

Which leads me to how I am doing. I....yell a lot. I reach my limit fast. I lose my temper quickly. Let me be clear that I do not call my kids, or anyone else names, or anything like that. It's more like "WHY ISN'T YOUR ROOM CLEAN YET!!!!" Part of it is parenting in emergency mode, which I understand may last a while, but not forever.  My parents were awesome parents. They did all the right stuff for us, but both of them tended to lose their tempers quickly, for a multitude of reasons. Now, I realize that, and I recognize and own that I have the same issue, and it's my job to change it for my kids. One thing I have done is taken some of the load off me. It was my job, every morning, to wake them up, and then direct everyones every move all morning. Now, they have chore charts (pictures for our pre-reader) and they know we leave the house at 8am, and if they didn't have time to finish breakfast, that's just too bad. Showers also have new time limits, since we were having a big issue with 30 minute showers (they just let the water run over them, or would turn the water on then go get their towels, then brush their teeth, all with the water on), which was a big trigger for me. If the boys know what they are supposed to do, I don't have to tell them. If it isn't done, they don't get points. In the near future they will get allowance, and if you don't have enough points, a certain amount of your allowance will have to be paid. I also have taken my own advice, and take some deep breathes whenever I feel myself getting stressed. I also give myself time outs. I will just tell them "Mommy needs a minute", and go into my room and just chill till I can handle it. I also rely on structured schedules (thanks to chore charts, and calendars all over the house so they know what to expect all the time) to help keep things on an even-keel. The boys do help out around the house. They do laundry, empty the bathroom trash, spray the shower at night, let out and feed the dogs, as well as setting/clearing the table, and things like setting out their clothes at night and cleaning up their rooms/making their beds. I also make sure that I apologize to them ASAP when I do yell, so that they know that it is MY issue, not theirs. I am getting better, but I still need to work at it.

All in all, I am more in love with these little guys every day, and I can't imagine what life would be like without their silliness and love and sweetness in my life. We are so incredibly blessed.

Not the end...

Our boys, our sons, are fast asleep in their beds. I don't know how to explain what that feels like.

Today was Adoption Day, and it was a whirlwind! We had a lot of things to do beforehand and then once we were there, it was about three minutes of me in tears as I vowed to care for and love these boys as if they were born to me, and the attorney asking me if I understood that they were mine from now until forever. Then the judge signed the paperwork, and we took some pictures and...that was it!

In a way it was just another thing that we had to do. They have been my boys since I first met them. They are mine. So, in a way, I walked out and felt as if it was nothing special.

But, in some ways, it was really special.

Although I have been with them almost every day and night since March 28th (except for the recent sleepovers at Grandma's), in a way it feels like today is the first day of me being a parent; I don't have to ask permission or get background checks for everyone the boys spend time with (although I think the background checks are something I will miss!), I don't have to worry about court appointments, and I don't have to ask permission or check with anyone before making a decision about their well-being. It also means that they only have one name (not their birth names and the names they chose). It also means that I am their mom in every way. I am not the legal guardian. To the boys, it means that they don't have to worry about when they will leave, or if they will have to move again to someplace where they don;t know anyone or are separated. It means stability and predictability, and love forever and ever.

From now till forever, they are ours.

These little munchkins have had my heart since the moment I first saw their photographs, but I have fallen for them more and more every day.

We are just so lucky.

So is this it? Is there nothing left to blog about adoption? Not hardly! Even though it has been finalized, they have only been with us for about 3 and 3/4 months! We still have a lot to get through, my boys and I. But we will do it together, knowing that we are here for eachother forever.

I love you, my angels. Way more than you'll ever know.

It's almost here!

First,

Let me apologize for not posting more often. When the boys got out of school, it got like, super duper ridiculously busy! I am loving every minute of it!

Now on to the good news! Our court date is just a few days from now! On July 22nd, our boys will legally be our boys forever and ever!

The boys are excited, and a little scared. Big guy is more scared about being in court in front of the judge. He doesn't like to be the center of attention when there is a lot of other people around. Little guy is scared, but he doesn't know why. He cries at almost nothing and can't pin down exactly why he is sad, is moody and cranky, and just confused I think. I feel terrible for him, and I wish I could help him more. For now, we talk and cuddle as often as we can.

Big guy had summer camp about a week ago and had a blast! He loved learning to surf and skim and stand-up paddle board. He was the littlest kid there, so he was a little discouraged that he didn't get as far as other kids did, but considering that he was the least experienced (kids who live here basically grow up at the beach from like age 3) and the smallest. He held his own! He even won an award for most improved! I think on Monday I will take him by the shop that ran the camp to say hi to his counselors. He really loved spending time with them.

Little guy has Lego camp this coming week (in fact, his first day is Monday and he will miss most of it!), and he will be building with legos and learning about space! How cool is that!

I am just so happy to have my boys. Even though things are not perfect, I am just so incredibly happy to have these amazing little spirits in my life every day. They had their first sleepover at Grandmas a few weeks ago, and I was distraught. It was too quiet, and I didn't know what to do with myself, and I just missed them. I was in tears most of the time, while they had a blast. I just love them so much. I am so lucky to be there mommy!

90 Days

Yesterday marked the 90th day that our boys have lived with us, which means that we can officially petition for adoption! We should have a court date by July 1st! To mark the occassion, some family came over for dessert ( a cake that Little Munchkin helped bake from scratch, and Big Munchkin decorated!) and we toasted them and celebrated how much we love them and just spent time together as a family.

90 days of good mornings and good nights
90 breakfasts and dinners
90 days of laundry
90 days of bedtime stories
90 days of kisses
90 days of play
90 days of thinking chairs
90 days of "I love you"

Only 90, and at the same time, a whole 90! Depending on how I think about it, it feels like it's been forever, or just a few moments.

I feel like I have known and loved these boys forever, but it seems like only yesterday that I got that phone call.

When they have a hard time going to bed it feels like "I can't believe he is still doing this!", but it really hasn't been long at all. Now, in retrospect, Big Munchkin maybe had one really bad month, and Little Munchkin has had a bad week or two. Considering that they have been uprooted from the one place they finally felt safe, after a series of different foster homes and placements, that they knew they were not going to attend the same school next year, and still has to adjust to two new people who have new rules and new ways of doing things, it's only been 3 months. I mean, I almost feel silly for feeling so frustrated.

There's a lesson there for me. It is important to take it moment by moment, but it is also important to make sure you are taking a good look at the big picture.

90 wonderful, fabulous days with my boys.

Summer "School"

I just need to rant for a minute.

Every day, my boys practice writing their names, and do some handwriting practice. Then Little Munchkin practices counting, sight words, and cutting. Big Munchkin does math and language work from a workbook.

The other day at the library, they were doing some practice, and a woman told me that I should just let them be kids and play. "Afterall, it's summer vacation!" I smiled, and just went back to helping Little Munchkin with his sight words, but I was pretty peeved. 

My kids have changed homes, parents, and ways of life in the past three months. They are going to new schools this August. That takes a toll on what they learned in school, and how they will learn when they get to school this year. What I am doing is giving just a little extra cushioning to make sure that they are well prepared. 

First of all, the stuff they do amounts to a little under an hour a day, 5 days a week. That's less than one school day a week for the summer. Secondly, kids lose up to 80% of what they learn every school year over the first month of summer vacation. I am just trying to keep a little bit of that in their heads. The rest of the day is filled with playgrounds, legos, arts and crafts, bowling, movies, and the beach. They are having plenty of fun. Lastly, and most astounding to me, since when did it become ok for anyone, but especially a stranger, to criticize a parent IN FRONT OF HER KIDS? 

Seriously, I have no problem with a little friendly advice, but not in front of my kids, and not while I am actively parenting. If you want to come to me later, when they are not around, and give me some advice, I will be open to receiving it, but probably not if you are some random person in the library, or on the street.

This is an active issue. At one Foster Adoptive Parent Association meeting, a foster mom told about how one of her kids threw a huge tantrum in the middle of the store because she wouldn't buy him a toy. As she was taking him out of the store, kicking and screaming, another person came up to her and said "Just buy him the damn toy. Then he will stop." One, that is terrible advice. Two, did you really just undermine that parents authority, in the middle of public, in front of the child? She just said she doesn't reward bad behavior and walked out. I probably would have asked the person how their kids were doing in prison.

End Rant.

Night Tantrums

I am writing this, again, because I feel that there is a lack of people telling the truth about adoption, and telling the ugly parts in detail. Do not judge my children.

These are my children. They are hurt, and angry, and scared, and have every right to be. 

I am not writing this for sympathy for my kids or myself. I am writing this because I know that somewhere out there, one day, there will be another adoptive parent going through the same thing, who just wants their baby to be happy. This is for the adoptive parent who can see their child's potential, and sees the smallest glitters of good, and praises them as if they were mountains of gold.

My big munchkin, my 7 year old, has had a rough couple weeks.

Nighttime is always hard for him for some reason, and he has had a couple doozies as far as tantrums before. The last couple weeks have been different.

It all started when we had some family come into town.

Big munchkin had a doctor appointment that Friday, and it ended up taking a LOOOOOOOOONG time. Like we were in that office for 4 hours. Nothing wrong; they just lost our paperwork, and had no idea who we were, then when they figured that out they had to re-fill out all our paperwork, because it was wrong, and then we had to wait for the doctor to get out of some meeting that had been scheduled because they forgot about our appointment. I have to tell you, that during this time, he was an absolute angel. No "I'm bored", no "I wanna go home", no tantrums or whining. He played quietly, colored and read a book then watched a movie. By the time we got out of there, Big Munchkin had to eat lunch because it was over already at school. Then it was 1pm. He gets out at 3. I called his caseworker, and she agreed that it wasn't worth it for him to go to school for 2 hours. Then he went to my mom's house because he wanted to see her, and I needed to get some things done at home. My mom and stepdad couldn't say enough about what a delight he was. He was very affectionate, and interacted well, played well, and used his manners.

When he got home....BAM! Different kid.

He yelled and stomped and kicked and screamed and threw stuff, etc. Till like 2 in the morning.

The next morning he was no picnic either, but he pulled it together in time to go to the beach with our visiting family. He was, again, a perfect kid.

That night, Opposite Kid came back again.
And the next day,
And the next day....

You see where this is going.

He had great days at school. His teacher writes notes home about how great he is. He loves school, and does very well.

He even had a couple decent nights.

Then his brother's birthday came. We worked really hard to make sure he felt included. He helped set up surprises for him the night before, then we spent some extra time with him reading, and let him sleep in our bed. He had another good day at school, then helped out with dinner. Family came and showered BOTH boys with attention, as usual. I could tell Big Munckin felt a little left out, so I made sure to give him extra hugs and kisses. One of his grandma's read him a story all by himself.
Then everyone left, and it was time for bed, and....well...you know. But this time, it was worse. We were a little scared that little munchkins's safety was at risk, so we told him to sleep in the guest room and to lock his door so big munchkin could not enter.

The next morning was not much better. He was tired, and cranky. We talked about the night before, and told him that we thought the reason that he is having such a rough time is because our schedule has been out of whack lately. We also told him that, at least for the rest of the school year, there would be no special outings on school nights or Sundays. The schedule would be very strict as far as bedtime and waking up time, and there will be no tv, movies or video games. All privileges that he had been working towards (sleepover, lunch and a movie with grandma) were off the table until we knew he could handle it. We explained that this is not because he is in trouble. It is because all of these things seem to make it difficult for him to control his behaviors, and that we want him to find it easy to behave. He said he understood, and was even the one who suggested that we take out video games and movies as well.

He had a great day at the party! He played with everyone, and his foster mom even came with his foster brother who he lived with for 18 months.

That night, he did have a rough time, but not nearly as bad as it has been.

Then, we got on schedule, and he has had a pretty good week. He did have a couple rough patches, but nothing too serious.

Tonight my husband had to work late, so of course it was terrible. The same yelling, screaming, throwing things, punching the bed, kicking the bed, out of bed, stuff I have seen before. I went downstairs, cleaned the house a bit, and then I realized that he was quiet. He was sleeping at long last! AND IT'S ONLY 8:30!!!!!

What am I trying to say here? Nothing really, I am trying to describe what it is like for us, one month in.

But here is what you can take from it. There are moments where this is the hardest thing you will ever do. You will wonder if you are going to make it. You will think that you can not take it any longer. But in those moments, think about the whys. Why is he having a fit? Why is he so scared? Why does he say things that hurt me? Why can't he just trust me? And then you will think about the reasons. And then you will realize that one month, or 6 months or even one year, is not enough time for anyone, including a little kid, to learn to trust again, or to be sure that he is safe, and that he can trust you to be in control, and he can just be a kid and accept love. It is going to take time, but we are going to get through it. You will see little instances of improvement, like instead of finally getting to sleep at 12am, he will fall asleep at 11pm. And yeah, he will probably fall asleep at 1am every once in a while, but mostly it's 11, and then it's 10:30, then it's 10, until suddenly it's 8:30.

Find those moments. Hold on to them.

Becoming a Family

Our sweet angels have been with us for about a month and a half now.

Every day, and every minute has its ups and downs, and we are still getting used to eachother, and learning how to be a family. Mornings are rough. Bedtime is worse.There is still arguing. There is still a lot of "thinking chairs". Right now, it is the in between moments that I realize how happy I am to be a mom, to be their mom. I am so incredibly blessed. The last few days that I have dropped them off to school and am suddenly by myself, I become overwhelmed with the amount of love I have for these two, wonderful, incredible, amazing boys.

I remember life before they were here. Maybe it is because I am still new at this, but life before these guys seems to lack color now. Sure, it was easier, and I didn't have to worry about the happiness and wellbeing of two other little people, but sometimes just because sometimes something is easy, doesn't make it better. In fact, I find the old saying that anything worth having is worth fighting for is completely true. This has been frustrating, scary, sad, physically and emotionally exhausting, but I am so glad that we did it, every moment of every day.

I love you boys more than I think you will ever know.

Praise

Sometimes things I do when parenting spill over into my interactions with adults. Sometimes it's not so great (I have told my husband that he needs to clear his dinner plates from the table before he can have dessert. Force of habit!).  Other times it can be a moment of epiphany.

One of the things that we must do to encourage a bond between us and the boys is try really hard to notice, and acknowledge, the little things they do that are right and good. "Great job tying your shoe!","Thank you for putting your seatbelt on!",  "Thank you for spitting less on the mirror, more in the sink!", and so on. It lets them know that I care about them, and that I notice that they are trying their best. They feel appreciated, and are more likely to pay attention when I tell them to correct their behavior, because they know they will receive more praise once they do.

I have noticed that we do not do this with our adult interactions nearly enough. Today a customer gave me two fives instead of a ten. Without even thinking I said "I really appreciate the small bills! Thank you!" She smiled, and we had a great conversation. People do not often feel that they are fully appreciated for their efforts. If we all took the second of time to just acknowledge the little things, we could all be a lot happier!

Little Munchkin's 5th Birthday

My littlest munchkin is turning five, and everytime we talk about his birthday he wants a different theme. In fact, the only thing he seems to be sure of is that we need to have a water fight!

So, to solve this dilemma, I have decided that the theme is "Things Little Munchkin Loves", and I am allowing him to pick out all the decorations. I know what I would have bought, so I am just going to let him decide what design or style he wants. Will it match? Nope. Will he love it? Yup.

The only thing I am picking out is the invitations, which I made at home, because that nonsense is too expensive.

Oh, and the party is at the park, because then I don't have a mess to clean up at the house.

Everything else; streamers, balloons, napkins, plates, cups, favors, other decor was chosen by our little P, or we had it and used it too!

One Week Later

It has been a little over a week since both boys officially moved in. It has been exhausting, tiring, grating, scary, hilarious, fun, sweet, amazing, wonderful, fantastic. We have had so much fun, from car rides singing Wee Sing Silly Songs, to playing board games and card games, to teaching them to ride bikes and dinner conversations. We love these boys so much, and already can't imagine life without them. My heart is so full with love and joy. We look forward to watching them grow up, and watching them be kids!

I want to say that before I continue this post. I am writing this post as an informative one. I can't tell you how many times I Googled "What to expect during adoption transitioning" and "What to expect the first week your adoptive child moves in" or variations thereof. I hardly saw an answer that made me feel better, or told me how to prepare, or just someone saying what they were seeing. I want to provide a clear picture, just so that anyone who might read this who is considering adoption has an idea. I also want to protect the boys privacy, so I will provide as much info as I can. If you have specific questions, please contact us!

We are so happy to have our family all together. But it is an adjustment for everyone. Greg and I feel we are prepared for everything that has come our way as far as behavior, and we expected it, but it's still hard.

The boys have a really hard time at night. They are both afraid of the dark, which is normal, but they also do not like the peace and solitude that comes with bedtime. It is hard when all of your thoughts come rushing to you at once. It is harder if you are a little boy who has just moved to ANOTHER new place, with more new people and new rules, on top of missing their old families and friends. It's a lot for anyone. It has been a fight every night for them to get to sleep. They are vying for control as well. These little boys feel they can not trust adults to take care of them, so they test our control, and our ability to take care of them. Our little one is much less traumatized, and has a lot more good nights than bad. He also has a different personality than our big guy. Big guy is quiet and introspective. He also remembers a lot more than his little brother. His foster mother once described him as a little old man; he is quiet, doesn't like a lot of noise or fuss, and is a little grumpy. Lately though, there are shining moments where you can see the kid coming out in him.
Our little munchkin is a really picky eater. He has a hard time with hard or crunchy foods, like raw carrots, and really only wants to eat pizza, and maybe an occassional mac and cheese. He ate the foods he wasn't fond of (namely, all vegetables) for his foster parents with no problem, but we are new people so now he refuses. He too, is improving as he learns the rules and expectations. I also sneak vegetables into his foods, like a can of pumpkin in a batch of chocolate banana smoothies, or a little spinach in the lasagna.

As far as what behavior issues we expected to see, this is nothing. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. So far, we have only had two incidents of throwing things, a pillow and a stuffed animal. We do have some lying, but most of it is normal, and the behavior seems to be clearing up as we bond. We have had a little bit of defiance, again, mostly at bedtime, but also regarding bath time and meal time, which for traumatized children, are the worst times of day. We have about two tantrums a day per boy, which isn't that bad, and also seems to be improving in length if not in frequency.

The thing that will help everything else is bonding. With our little munchkin, this has been pretty easy. For most of the day he is a happy kid who actively seeks to bond with us. When he has a thinking chair, he will say he does not want to be adopted, but then he will crawl into my lap afterwards and pet my face and call me mommy. Our big munchkin will seek to bond occassionally, but he spends a lot of time actively seeking to push us away. As of Thursday and Friday, he really seemed to be opening up to us though. He was cuddly and wanted to be hugged, and asked if I could come have lunch with him at school one day. He also said that he would like for me to volunteer at school next year, which when originally suggested, he was very adament that I not do that. Not coincidentally, he went to bed no problem last night for the first time.

All together, there is more good than bad, and the good just keeps getting better. If you are where I am today sometime in the future, I can tell you it will continue to be more and more awesome every day!

Day By Day

So the boys spent all of last weekend with us. K was on Spring Break, so he even got to hang out for a while Monday.

It was an overwhelming weekend, especially for K, because he is a little older. A new family, a new house, is all a lot to take in. On top of that, it was Greg's birthday and we had some family in town, so they met a lot of new people, and were overstimulated. He had a good time though, and seemed to really enjoy himself! P has a hard time at bedtime and when he first awakes, and really REALLY does not like to be disciplined but the rest of the day is absolutely wonderful.

P spent most of the week with us, and basically wants to be here all the time. He asks (yells really) for his foster mom when we tell him it's bedtime, when it's time to take a shower, and when he has to have a time out. As soon as he has calmed down, he is all smiles and very lovey dovey. He does tell me he misses her sometimes, so I tell him he can call her or when he will see her next.

This weekend has been a little more normal. K spent the night Saturday, and during the day we went to a kid's birthday party. Then we had a nice quiet dinner and played with toys and in the back yard. K had a little breakdown about going to bed, but nothing big, and we talked about it in the morning and I think all is well!

As far as them moving in, P is not officially moved in, but is now spending more time here than at his foster family's home. K is transitioning a little more slowly. He has spent the weekends with us, and called us while at his foster mom's, but I think in the coming weeks will be spending a lot more time with us.

K especially loves spending time with Greg! He wants to be with him most of the time. He wants to do everything he does, and takes an interest in everything Greg likes. It's incredibly adorable! K loves legos, reading and more quiet activities, but he is really good at outdoor stuff and sports too. He is just such a sweet kid!

P wants to do whatever his big brother is doing, or if that isn't an option, is absolutely and completely obsessed with Hungry Hungry Hippos, and the book Green Eggs and Ham. He also seems to have a real interest in music, which is great, because we are a pretty musical family! He is a silly, giggly, little boy!

Overall, my house is an absolute disaster, I didn't get to wash my hair or shave my legs for a week, I am super behind on returning phone calls and emails, but I am so incredibly happy. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because, especially while the boys are transitioning, nothing is more important than spending time with them however I can.

Here and Now

So the meeting was Tuesday! We all sat in the room and talked about the boys, and went over their history again. They gave us the boys records, and made sure that we were still on board which, of course, we were!

P's foster mom, Michelle, invited us to have dinner with our little guy! We headed down, and they even let us tell him we were his mommy and daddy! He was so excited, but it took a little time for it to sink in.

A little later, we were all playing with P in his room and he called for Greg, and called him daddy! Then, he got excited about saying it and just kept saying it! A little later he called me mommy a couple times. Talk about emotions! P was very upset when we left, but we promised him that I would come visit with him again the next day because Greg had to work.

Today after work I headed down and went with Michelle to pick him up from daycare. I was worried he would be nervous today, but he said "Mommy!" and ran into my arms! Then he wouldn't let me put him down! We went to Michael's Craft Store to get something for P to make for Greg for his birthday, and then back to his house for dinner and playtime. The last two days have been the best of my life!

And tommorrow is only going to be better, because K and P are coming to our house for dinner! K's foster mom is bringing him and we are all going to have dinner together! Our boys under our roof! I couldn't be happier!

Remembering the sadness while celebrating the joy

In our excitement in becoming new parents, and the celebrating and love that we feel and share with you all, we are trying to be mindful of the factors that brought our boys to us.

No matter how you adopt a child, be it private, public, infant or older child, domestic or international, the child has experienced a loss. Sometimes biological parents know that they won't be able to properly care for their baby, and have the forsight to create an adoption plan. Still, there is a loss for the mother and for the child. Sometimes, as in our case, someone has to take the children from the parents because of their inability to care for their children. There is a great loss here for both. Even if a person does not know how to be a parent, it does not mean that they didn't love their child. The trauma that children experience before and after being removed from their biological parents can not be undone.

As the "second" parents that these boys will have, we have to remember that we can not erase their past. We can not pretend that it didn't happen; that their was trauma, and that when they were removed, their parents could not do what it took to get them back. They are bringing this pain too.

As their parents, it is our job to honor this pain and past, and do our best to fill their lives with joy, and happiness and love. We surely can not undo that which has already been done, but we can improve the future.

So, as we prepare to celebrate this journey we are about to embark upon, please keep our boys in mind, as well as their biological family, and those that have helped them along the way, and pray for all of them. Also pray for all of the children, please, who do not yet have families, or are still suffering through their trauma and struggles. There are hundreds of thousands of children in the world who do not know when, or if, they will ever find their forever families.

Thank you.

What to expect when you're adopting

We are so overjoyed that in 12 days, we will be able to start being parents to our boys, and really get to meet them!

Because we have done a lot (and I truly mean a LOT) of reading, we have at least a clue of what we are in for in the coming months. I wanted to give you all an idea, so I found this awesome blog post from an adoptive mom about her first year.

My favorite line in the whole thing is "Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting through...", because it is so true. We know it is going to be hard. We also know that it is going to be wonderful.

Disclosure Meeting

We FINALLY have a date set for the disclosure meeting for the boys!

What happens at the disclosure meeting?

Well, we don't know for sure, as we have never done this before. Here is what we do know;

Everyone connected to the boys will be there; Their foster moms, Guardian Ad Litems, the case managers and case supervisors, and probably others. After signing some paperwork making all information we receive at that meeting confidential, we will read the boys child studies, and then ask questions of all of those involved. Once we have done so, we will have the option to stop the process there. At this point, we are pretty positive that is not what will happen. When we decide to continue, we will sign some forms stating our intent to adopt the boys. Once that is done, we will be able to schedule some visitation with the boys, and hopefully they will quickly become comfortable with us and we can start being a family!

We know that it isn't going to be all sunshine and roses, especially at first! But we are still happy and excited and READY for this dream to come true!

A Match!

We are preparing to welcome two little boys!

We wanted to wait until after we had started visiting with the boys, because other than telling you that they are brothers, and they are boys, we really are not at liberty to say anything yet!

But we just couldn't wait any longer to shout it from the rooftops!

We actually first heard about them about 2 weeks ago. I got the call while I was at work, so the caseworker left a message. A foster-mom friend of mine sent me a text message saying to check my voicemail ASAP, and I saw that so I took a quick break to listen to the voicemail.

As soon as I heard that voicemail, I knew we had found our kids. In tears of joy, I finished the rest of my shift, and headed to Greg's store. I called Greg, even though I would see him at his store, and told him the good news. We were both so very excited! I also got to hear all about the boys from their caseworker a little later on. The only issue was that one of their child studies is incomplete, so we have to wait for it to be finished to learn everything about them, or to meet them.

LONGEST. WAIT. EVER.

While we are waiting on the completed child studies, we told the grandparents, and have been getting the house ready for two little boys! We bought bookshelves, and a friend gave us a great bunk bed and painted their room, and are rearranged our schedules to accommodate two kids! We are raring to go!

Of course, as we can, we will share more information with you!

Love,

       Gianna

Saying No...

Greg and I received the home study of a child available for adoption. We don't want to share details as to protect the child's privacy, so it is sufficient to say that we had to say no to adopting them.

Saying no is one of the hardest things I have experienced so far. There is a lot of guilt attached to it. I know it was the right thing to do, but still, it means that that child still does not have a forever home.

I know our kids are out there, and I know we have to keep our needs in mind. But it breaks my heart that I couldn't give that child a home.

Weekends

Weekends are interesting nowadays.

They provide us with a well-needed break from checking our phones to see if we have a match e-mail, but at the same time, we also feel like we have to wait two days for something to happen.

Waiting is the hardest part. It has been the hardest part through this entire experience. You wait for your class to start. You wait for your paperwork to be received. You wait to be assigned a caseworker. You wait for your homestudy to start. You wait for it to be completed. You wait for your homestudy to be approved. Then you wait to match.

Then, once you have matched, you still have to wait for the adoption to be finalized.

Everyone keeps telling us that patience is a virtue, and that good things come to those who wait. We know. It's also hard to understand what we are going through from the outsiders perspective. When you have a baby, you have a general idea of how long you will wait before it's here. You have things you can do to prepare. With adoption, you can't prepare because, especially in our case, we have no idea if we will have a girl or boy, how old they will be, if there will be more than one. And we really have no clue how long the wait will be; days, weeks, months...

On top of that, when you have a baby, you get to start at day one with that kid. You have their whole life. Every first, every holiday. We are missing out on those every day that we don't have our kid(s).

So, if we get a little upset when someone says patience is a virtue, or that good things come to those who wait, or if we are a little frustrated with the process, please forgive us. We are just trying to find our kids.

Matchmaker matchmaker...

We are finally in the matching process!

We have submitted a couple of inquiries, but nothing has worked out yet. Most of the children were already adopted, or they wanted them to stay in the same state they were in, in the case that they were out of state.

We are trying to take it easy and realize that this is not an overnight thing. This could take weeks or months.

In the meantime, we will share what we can, but for our privacy, and for the privacy of the children, we will not be sharing details about the matches or non-matches. We need for the decisions that we make to be ours alone. We hope that you will all understand. We will share the process, and our thoughts as we deem appropriate.

Thank you all for all of the love and support you have shown us through this process! We can't wait to find our kiddos!

Results!

Today, around 1pm I got an e-mail with our homestudy first draft attached. There were a couple of errors, so they have to be fixed, but at least things are moving again! The errors were minor. She wrote that our moms live in Northport, but they live in Sarasota, and she said my dad remarried when I was in 2nd grade, but that was when they met. There were a couple more, but nothing serious. I called her and left a message, but it was after 4 so I won't hear back until tomorrow probably.

In the meantime, I also found out that the results of our background checks are in. That means all that's left is to finalize the homestudy itself, a few minor pieces of paperwork (copies of our car insurance, etc.), and then we can be approved!

Want to see the coolest sentence ever? Sorry for the blurry picture, but read the very last line!