So, it's been a while.
Like, a long while.
What can I say? It's busy! The boys are in school, and working hard. I can't even explain to you how much they are growing, and being amazing.
Little Munchkin started kindergarten. He is learning so much. He comes home some days, and I can see it in his eyes. He is just so tired! He has, at least twice a week since school started, gone to bed at 4pm and slept till morning!
Big Munchkin is in second grade. He is learning cursive, and multiplication, and getting used to doing things the Montessori way, since the boys are now in a Montessori school. He has a couple of friends (including a little girl!!! Do I hear wedding bells????), and is doing well overall.
Little Munchkin is in a phase of fibbing, and seeing what he can get away with in general. He does things like hides his dirty laundry instead of putting it in the hamper. That is literally.outside.his.door. He lies about EVERYTHING. My newest method is to sort of ignore it. Me: "Wash your hands please." Him: "I did!" Me: "Ok, do it again please."
Big Munchkin is dealing with feelings about bio mom still, now leaning towards being mad at her because "she couldn't take care of us", in his words. He also is having a little jealousy when we spend time with his brother, like, at all. There is definitely some one sided sibling rivalry. He tattles on John ANY chance he gets. He doesn't like to go in the ladies room, so our compromise is that when there is the opportunity, he can go in the family restroom, with his brother, and I will stand outside unless I need to go in. The other day, he actually LEFT his brother in the restroom, to come out and tell me that his brother had the NERVE, the GALL, to flush the toilet....TWICE!!!!! I immediately went in with him, and told him that it is NOT ok to leave your brother alone in a restroom, EVER.
Which leads me to how I am doing. I....yell a lot. I reach my limit fast. I lose my temper quickly. Let me be clear that I do not call my kids, or anyone else names, or anything like that. It's more like "WHY ISN'T YOUR ROOM CLEAN YET!!!!" Part of it is parenting in emergency mode, which I understand may last a while, but not forever. My parents were awesome parents. They did all the right stuff for us, but both of them tended to lose their tempers quickly, for a multitude of reasons. Now, I realize that, and I recognize and own that I have the same issue, and it's my job to change it for my kids. One thing I have done is taken some of the load off me. It was my job, every morning, to wake them up, and then direct everyones every move all morning. Now, they have chore charts (pictures for our pre-reader) and they know we leave the house at 8am, and if they didn't have time to finish breakfast, that's just too bad. Showers also have new time limits, since we were having a big issue with 30 minute showers (they just let the water run over them, or would turn the water on then go get their towels, then brush their teeth, all with the water on), which was a big trigger for me. If the boys know what they are supposed to do, I don't have to tell them. If it isn't done, they don't get points. In the near future they will get allowance, and if you don't have enough points, a certain amount of your allowance will have to be paid. I also have taken my own advice, and take some deep breathes whenever I feel myself getting stressed. I also give myself time outs. I will just tell them "Mommy needs a minute", and go into my room and just chill till I can handle it. I also rely on structured schedules (thanks to chore charts, and calendars all over the house so they know what to expect all the time) to help keep things on an even-keel. The boys do help out around the house. They do laundry, empty the bathroom trash, spray the shower at night, let out and feed the dogs, as well as setting/clearing the table, and things like setting out their clothes at night and cleaning up their rooms/making their beds. I also make sure that I apologize to them ASAP when I do yell, so that they know that it is MY issue, not theirs. I am getting better, but I still need to work at it.
All in all, I am more in love with these little guys every day, and I can't imagine what life would be like without their silliness and love and sweetness in my life. We are so incredibly blessed.
Showing posts with label adoption history. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption history. Show all posts
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Day By Day
So the boys spent all of last weekend with us. K was on Spring Break, so he even got to hang out for a while Monday.
It was an overwhelming weekend, especially for K, because he is a little older. A new family, a new house, is all a lot to take in. On top of that, it was Greg's birthday and we had some family in town, so they met a lot of new people, and were overstimulated. He had a good time though, and seemed to really enjoy himself! P has a hard time at bedtime and when he first awakes, and really REALLY does not like to be disciplined but the rest of the day is absolutely wonderful.
P spent most of the week with us, and basically wants to be here all the time. He asks (yells really) for his foster mom when we tell him it's bedtime, when it's time to take a shower, and when he has to have a time out. As soon as he has calmed down, he is all smiles and very lovey dovey. He does tell me he misses her sometimes, so I tell him he can call her or when he will see her next.
This weekend has been a little more normal. K spent the night Saturday, and during the day we went to a kid's birthday party. Then we had a nice quiet dinner and played with toys and in the back yard. K had a little breakdown about going to bed, but nothing big, and we talked about it in the morning and I think all is well!
As far as them moving in, P is not officially moved in, but is now spending more time here than at his foster family's home. K is transitioning a little more slowly. He has spent the weekends with us, and called us while at his foster mom's, but I think in the coming weeks will be spending a lot more time with us.
K especially loves spending time with Greg! He wants to be with him most of the time. He wants to do everything he does, and takes an interest in everything Greg likes. It's incredibly adorable! K loves legos, reading and more quiet activities, but he is really good at outdoor stuff and sports too. He is just such a sweet kid!
P wants to do whatever his big brother is doing, or if that isn't an option, is absolutely and completely obsessed with Hungry Hungry Hippos, and the book Green Eggs and Ham. He also seems to have a real interest in music, which is great, because we are a pretty musical family! He is a silly, giggly, little boy!
Overall, my house is an absolute disaster, I didn't get to wash my hair or shave my legs for a week, I am super behind on returning phone calls and emails, but I am so incredibly happy. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because, especially while the boys are transitioning, nothing is more important than spending time with them however I can.
It was an overwhelming weekend, especially for K, because he is a little older. A new family, a new house, is all a lot to take in. On top of that, it was Greg's birthday and we had some family in town, so they met a lot of new people, and were overstimulated. He had a good time though, and seemed to really enjoy himself! P has a hard time at bedtime and when he first awakes, and really REALLY does not like to be disciplined but the rest of the day is absolutely wonderful.
P spent most of the week with us, and basically wants to be here all the time. He asks (yells really) for his foster mom when we tell him it's bedtime, when it's time to take a shower, and when he has to have a time out. As soon as he has calmed down, he is all smiles and very lovey dovey. He does tell me he misses her sometimes, so I tell him he can call her or when he will see her next.
This weekend has been a little more normal. K spent the night Saturday, and during the day we went to a kid's birthday party. Then we had a nice quiet dinner and played with toys and in the back yard. K had a little breakdown about going to bed, but nothing big, and we talked about it in the morning and I think all is well!
As far as them moving in, P is not officially moved in, but is now spending more time here than at his foster family's home. K is transitioning a little more slowly. He has spent the weekends with us, and called us while at his foster mom's, but I think in the coming weeks will be spending a lot more time with us.
K especially loves spending time with Greg! He wants to be with him most of the time. He wants to do everything he does, and takes an interest in everything Greg likes. It's incredibly adorable! K loves legos, reading and more quiet activities, but he is really good at outdoor stuff and sports too. He is just such a sweet kid!
P wants to do whatever his big brother is doing, or if that isn't an option, is absolutely and completely obsessed with Hungry Hungry Hippos, and the book Green Eggs and Ham. He also seems to have a real interest in music, which is great, because we are a pretty musical family! He is a silly, giggly, little boy!
Overall, my house is an absolute disaster, I didn't get to wash my hair or shave my legs for a week, I am super behind on returning phone calls and emails, but I am so incredibly happy. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because, especially while the boys are transitioning, nothing is more important than spending time with them however I can.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Remembering the sadness while celebrating the joy
In our excitement in becoming new parents, and the celebrating and love that we feel and share with you all, we are trying to be mindful of the factors that brought our boys to us.
No matter how you adopt a child, be it private, public, infant or older child, domestic or international, the child has experienced a loss. Sometimes biological parents know that they won't be able to properly care for their baby, and have the forsight to create an adoption plan. Still, there is a loss for the mother and for the child. Sometimes, as in our case, someone has to take the children from the parents because of their inability to care for their children. There is a great loss here for both. Even if a person does not know how to be a parent, it does not mean that they didn't love their child. The trauma that children experience before and after being removed from their biological parents can not be undone.
As the "second" parents that these boys will have, we have to remember that we can not erase their past. We can not pretend that it didn't happen; that their was trauma, and that when they were removed, their parents could not do what it took to get them back. They are bringing this pain too.
As their parents, it is our job to honor this pain and past, and do our best to fill their lives with joy, and happiness and love. We surely can not undo that which has already been done, but we can improve the future.
So, as we prepare to celebrate this journey we are about to embark upon, please keep our boys in mind, as well as their biological family, and those that have helped them along the way, and pray for all of them. Also pray for all of the children, please, who do not yet have families, or are still suffering through their trauma and struggles. There are hundreds of thousands of children in the world who do not know when, or if, they will ever find their forever families.
Thank you.
No matter how you adopt a child, be it private, public, infant or older child, domestic or international, the child has experienced a loss. Sometimes biological parents know that they won't be able to properly care for their baby, and have the forsight to create an adoption plan. Still, there is a loss for the mother and for the child. Sometimes, as in our case, someone has to take the children from the parents because of their inability to care for their children. There is a great loss here for both. Even if a person does not know how to be a parent, it does not mean that they didn't love their child. The trauma that children experience before and after being removed from their biological parents can not be undone.
As the "second" parents that these boys will have, we have to remember that we can not erase their past. We can not pretend that it didn't happen; that their was trauma, and that when they were removed, their parents could not do what it took to get them back. They are bringing this pain too.
As their parents, it is our job to honor this pain and past, and do our best to fill their lives with joy, and happiness and love. We surely can not undo that which has already been done, but we can improve the future.
So, as we prepare to celebrate this journey we are about to embark upon, please keep our boys in mind, as well as their biological family, and those that have helped them along the way, and pray for all of them. Also pray for all of the children, please, who do not yet have families, or are still suffering through their trauma and struggles. There are hundreds of thousands of children in the world who do not know when, or if, they will ever find their forever families.
Thank you.
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