The next step in our journey...

I really stink at updating this blog, unless there's big news!

It's been 2 years since the boys were legally adopted, although I can't imagine a time before them. They are just so wonderful. Yes, we have our issues, and bad days, but they are our joy always.

So for a while, we have discussed fostering. The boys want more siblings (brothers, although Dan would like a sister like his little cousin we had for 10 months as relative caregivers). We would love to have more kids around,  and our homestudy is out there, but we are being very careful because a match has to be right for everyone. In the meantime, we have extra space and decided that fostering is a great way to help, and to give back for all our blessings.

We could be licensed as early as next week for one child under the age of 1! Our boys know that we are helping care for a baby whose parents need extra time and help to be ready to be the childs parents, and they know that the baby will go home, and that in the meantime we love and treat the baby like family. They are excited, as they loved having their baby cousin around!

525,600 minutes.

One year ago today, Greg and I went to our disclosure meeting. That was the last day that we were not parents. We got to tell our little one that we were his mommy and daddy that night, and it was the first time that we were called mommy and daddy.

Our lives are just so filled with love and joy and pride because of these two amazing boys. In just this last year we have watched them grow so much. They are coming into themselves, and exploring their interests and growing. What an amazing journey this is!

Every moment of every day, we are so blessed to share in these little lives. Not every day is easy, or even fun, but every day is a gift. Sometimes it feels like they have always been with us, always been ours. Other times we think how could it possibly be a year already! The only thing we know is that from the first moment we saw them, they became ours. We are so excited to see what the future holds!

As this anniversary comes, Greg and I have discussed how many little anniversaries we have with them. After this one is March 7th, which is the first time we met big guy, and the first family dinner. Then, March 9th was the first night they spent the night with us. Then comes move-in-day, March 28th, and of course, Adoption Day, July 22nd. We want to celebrate each of these, but we obviously can't go too crazy!!! So the game plan is we will do little things for each one; A movie on March 7th, probably a slumber party (for the four of us) on March 9th, Ice cream cake for move in day (we had sundaes to celebrate that night), and July 22nd is a big deal. We are thinking family trip for that one!

Sorry about not updating in a while. It's busy around here! I will do a post (or two!) about what's been happening since September in the next few days!

It's 2am...why am I posting?

So, it's been a while.

Like, a long while.

What can I say? It's busy! The boys are in school, and working hard. I can't even explain to you how much they are growing, and being amazing.

Little Munchkin started kindergarten. He is learning so much. He comes home some days, and I can see it in his eyes. He is just so tired! He has, at least twice a week since school started, gone to bed at 4pm and slept till morning!

Big Munchkin is in second grade. He is learning cursive, and multiplication, and getting used to doing things the Montessori way, since the boys are now in a Montessori school. He has a couple of friends (including a little girl!!! Do I hear wedding bells????), and is doing well overall.

Little Munchkin is in a phase of fibbing, and seeing what he can get away with in general. He does things like hides his dirty laundry instead of putting it in the hamper. That is literally.outside.his.door. He lies about EVERYTHING. My newest method is to sort of ignore it. Me: "Wash your hands please." Him: "I did!" Me: "Ok, do it again please."

Big Munchkin is dealing with feelings about bio mom still, now leaning towards being mad at her because "she couldn't take care of us", in his words. He also is having a little jealousy when we spend time with his brother, like, at all. There is definitely some one sided sibling rivalry. He tattles on John ANY chance he gets. He doesn't like to go in the ladies room, so our compromise is that when there is the opportunity, he can go in the family restroom, with his brother, and I will stand outside unless I need to go in. The other day, he actually LEFT his brother in the restroom, to come out and tell me that his brother had the NERVE, the GALL, to flush the toilet....TWICE!!!!! I immediately went in with him, and told him that it is NOT ok to leave your brother alone in a restroom, EVER.

Which leads me to how I am doing. I....yell a lot. I reach my limit fast. I lose my temper quickly. Let me be clear that I do not call my kids, or anyone else names, or anything like that. It's more like "WHY ISN'T YOUR ROOM CLEAN YET!!!!" Part of it is parenting in emergency mode, which I understand may last a while, but not forever.  My parents were awesome parents. They did all the right stuff for us, but both of them tended to lose their tempers quickly, for a multitude of reasons. Now, I realize that, and I recognize and own that I have the same issue, and it's my job to change it for my kids. One thing I have done is taken some of the load off me. It was my job, every morning, to wake them up, and then direct everyones every move all morning. Now, they have chore charts (pictures for our pre-reader) and they know we leave the house at 8am, and if they didn't have time to finish breakfast, that's just too bad. Showers also have new time limits, since we were having a big issue with 30 minute showers (they just let the water run over them, or would turn the water on then go get their towels, then brush their teeth, all with the water on), which was a big trigger for me. If the boys know what they are supposed to do, I don't have to tell them. If it isn't done, they don't get points. In the near future they will get allowance, and if you don't have enough points, a certain amount of your allowance will have to be paid. I also have taken my own advice, and take some deep breathes whenever I feel myself getting stressed. I also give myself time outs. I will just tell them "Mommy needs a minute", and go into my room and just chill till I can handle it. I also rely on structured schedules (thanks to chore charts, and calendars all over the house so they know what to expect all the time) to help keep things on an even-keel. The boys do help out around the house. They do laundry, empty the bathroom trash, spray the shower at night, let out and feed the dogs, as well as setting/clearing the table, and things like setting out their clothes at night and cleaning up their rooms/making their beds. I also make sure that I apologize to them ASAP when I do yell, so that they know that it is MY issue, not theirs. I am getting better, but I still need to work at it.

All in all, I am more in love with these little guys every day, and I can't imagine what life would be like without their silliness and love and sweetness in my life. We are so incredibly blessed.

Not the end...

Our boys, our sons, are fast asleep in their beds. I don't know how to explain what that feels like.

Today was Adoption Day, and it was a whirlwind! We had a lot of things to do beforehand and then once we were there, it was about three minutes of me in tears as I vowed to care for and love these boys as if they were born to me, and the attorney asking me if I understood that they were mine from now until forever. Then the judge signed the paperwork, and we took some pictures and...that was it!

In a way it was just another thing that we had to do. They have been my boys since I first met them. They are mine. So, in a way, I walked out and felt as if it was nothing special.

But, in some ways, it was really special.

Although I have been with them almost every day and night since March 28th (except for the recent sleepovers at Grandma's), in a way it feels like today is the first day of me being a parent; I don't have to ask permission or get background checks for everyone the boys spend time with (although I think the background checks are something I will miss!), I don't have to worry about court appointments, and I don't have to ask permission or check with anyone before making a decision about their well-being. It also means that they only have one name (not their birth names and the names they chose). It also means that I am their mom in every way. I am not the legal guardian. To the boys, it means that they don't have to worry about when they will leave, or if they will have to move again to someplace where they don;t know anyone or are separated. It means stability and predictability, and love forever and ever.

From now till forever, they are ours.

These little munchkins have had my heart since the moment I first saw their photographs, but I have fallen for them more and more every day.

We are just so lucky.

So is this it? Is there nothing left to blog about adoption? Not hardly! Even though it has been finalized, they have only been with us for about 3 and 3/4 months! We still have a lot to get through, my boys and I. But we will do it together, knowing that we are here for eachother forever.

I love you, my angels. Way more than you'll ever know.

It's almost here!

First,

Let me apologize for not posting more often. When the boys got out of school, it got like, super duper ridiculously busy! I am loving every minute of it!

Now on to the good news! Our court date is just a few days from now! On July 22nd, our boys will legally be our boys forever and ever!

The boys are excited, and a little scared. Big guy is more scared about being in court in front of the judge. He doesn't like to be the center of attention when there is a lot of other people around. Little guy is scared, but he doesn't know why. He cries at almost nothing and can't pin down exactly why he is sad, is moody and cranky, and just confused I think. I feel terrible for him, and I wish I could help him more. For now, we talk and cuddle as often as we can.

Big guy had summer camp about a week ago and had a blast! He loved learning to surf and skim and stand-up paddle board. He was the littlest kid there, so he was a little discouraged that he didn't get as far as other kids did, but considering that he was the least experienced (kids who live here basically grow up at the beach from like age 3) and the smallest. He held his own! He even won an award for most improved! I think on Monday I will take him by the shop that ran the camp to say hi to his counselors. He really loved spending time with them.

Little guy has Lego camp this coming week (in fact, his first day is Monday and he will miss most of it!), and he will be building with legos and learning about space! How cool is that!

I am just so happy to have my boys. Even though things are not perfect, I am just so incredibly happy to have these amazing little spirits in my life every day. They had their first sleepover at Grandmas a few weeks ago, and I was distraught. It was too quiet, and I didn't know what to do with myself, and I just missed them. I was in tears most of the time, while they had a blast. I just love them so much. I am so lucky to be there mommy!

90 Days

Yesterday marked the 90th day that our boys have lived with us, which means that we can officially petition for adoption! We should have a court date by July 1st! To mark the occassion, some family came over for dessert ( a cake that Little Munchkin helped bake from scratch, and Big Munchkin decorated!) and we toasted them and celebrated how much we love them and just spent time together as a family.

90 days of good mornings and good nights
90 breakfasts and dinners
90 days of laundry
90 days of bedtime stories
90 days of kisses
90 days of play
90 days of thinking chairs
90 days of "I love you"

Only 90, and at the same time, a whole 90! Depending on how I think about it, it feels like it's been forever, or just a few moments.

I feel like I have known and loved these boys forever, but it seems like only yesterday that I got that phone call.

When they have a hard time going to bed it feels like "I can't believe he is still doing this!", but it really hasn't been long at all. Now, in retrospect, Big Munchkin maybe had one really bad month, and Little Munchkin has had a bad week or two. Considering that they have been uprooted from the one place they finally felt safe, after a series of different foster homes and placements, that they knew they were not going to attend the same school next year, and still has to adjust to two new people who have new rules and new ways of doing things, it's only been 3 months. I mean, I almost feel silly for feeling so frustrated.

There's a lesson there for me. It is important to take it moment by moment, but it is also important to make sure you are taking a good look at the big picture.

90 wonderful, fabulous days with my boys.

Summer "School"

I just need to rant for a minute.

Every day, my boys practice writing their names, and do some handwriting practice. Then Little Munchkin practices counting, sight words, and cutting. Big Munchkin does math and language work from a workbook.

The other day at the library, they were doing some practice, and a woman told me that I should just let them be kids and play. "Afterall, it's summer vacation!" I smiled, and just went back to helping Little Munchkin with his sight words, but I was pretty peeved. 

My kids have changed homes, parents, and ways of life in the past three months. They are going to new schools this August. That takes a toll on what they learned in school, and how they will learn when they get to school this year. What I am doing is giving just a little extra cushioning to make sure that they are well prepared. 

First of all, the stuff they do amounts to a little under an hour a day, 5 days a week. That's less than one school day a week for the summer. Secondly, kids lose up to 80% of what they learn every school year over the first month of summer vacation. I am just trying to keep a little bit of that in their heads. The rest of the day is filled with playgrounds, legos, arts and crafts, bowling, movies, and the beach. They are having plenty of fun. Lastly, and most astounding to me, since when did it become ok for anyone, but especially a stranger, to criticize a parent IN FRONT OF HER KIDS? 

Seriously, I have no problem with a little friendly advice, but not in front of my kids, and not while I am actively parenting. If you want to come to me later, when they are not around, and give me some advice, I will be open to receiving it, but probably not if you are some random person in the library, or on the street.

This is an active issue. At one Foster Adoptive Parent Association meeting, a foster mom told about how one of her kids threw a huge tantrum in the middle of the store because she wouldn't buy him a toy. As she was taking him out of the store, kicking and screaming, another person came up to her and said "Just buy him the damn toy. Then he will stop." One, that is terrible advice. Two, did you really just undermine that parents authority, in the middle of public, in front of the child? She just said she doesn't reward bad behavior and walked out. I probably would have asked the person how their kids were doing in prison.

End Rant.