Progress!

So our check is in the hands of the case worker! That means that our home study has begun! We are so excited that the process has started! Gianna had to order a copy of her birth certificate, and we still need to clear out the room that will be our childs so that it can be put together when the time comes. We are in good shape we think, so hopefully the process will be smooth. We will more than likely have some updates on that! A lot of our friends and family have asked us if we have any particular child/children in mind. The short answer is yes. However, because a lot can change, and because we need to know that we are making the best decision for us, we have decided not to share that information, except for immediate family. This is quite a process. Once our home study is approved, we can send it to the childs caseworker. The caseworker looks it over and decides if she thinks we are a good match. IF she decides we are a good match then we make a time to meet with the childs caseworker, foster parents, and guardian ad litem, and anyone else involved. We sign a confidentiality agreement, and look over a child study, which will have all known history for that child, including medical records, school records, etc. We ask any questions we may have, and then take a couple days to mull it over. If we decide it's a good match, then we let them know and have a few visitations and talk to the child about how they feel about it (if they are old enough to make an informed decision on their own). The bottom line is, though we think we are a good match, we really know very little about this child. We don't want to get too attached or get hopes too high. We probably won't have our child or children for this Christmas, but with a little luck, we could at least have visitation with them before February!

Thanksgiving Miracles

Last night, after dinner, we were discussing with our family the costs of adoption. Since we have decided to pay, even though we are going through public adoption, we will pay for our homestudy, which is a big chunk, plus any travel expenses, notary fees, background checks, yada yada yada.... Right then, Greg's dad offered to pay the homestudy fee itself, so we could get started! Gianna could hardly contain the tears! Then, her dad and stepmom gave us a check as a belated anniversary gift to help cover outher costs! Gianna's mother has been a continual source knowledge about the system, and an ear to listen when I gripe. Greg's mom has shown her interest and support in the process. We still have a little over half of the $1,000 to earn, but we have the beginnings. We are overwhelmed with the love and support our family has offered us. We just couldn't be more thankful.

Gianna and Greg's Handy Service

After a lot of conversations, we have decided that instead of waiting who knows how long to even be assigned a caseworker, and waiting even after that to start our homestudy, we are going to pay for it ourselves.

Especially because we have a child in mind, waiting is really difficult, even more so when there is no end in sight!

We don't know exactly what the cost will be, so we are hoping our savings are enough. Luckily, Greg's company will reimburse us up to $5,000 for adoption expenses. The trick is coming up with it beforehand!

Here is the deal:

For $10, Gianna or Greg will:

Bake a cake or pie

Walk your dogs

Clean your car

Bathe your dogs

Mow your lawn

Help you pack

Help you unpack

Help you move

Help clean your house

Help you wrap Christmas presents

Weed your garden

Clean your gutters

Do any other stupid chore you don't want to do!

We will help you do, or do, just about anything you need done so that we can raise enough money to cover the difference in adoption expenses! Just let Gianna know, and she will schedule you in!

Waiting and waiting and waiting....

We are both feeling a little discouraged at the moment.

We were hoping to at least have been assigned to a caseworker at this point. So far, nothing.

We have sent e-mails, and are attending the Foster/Adoptive Parent Association meetings, and are trying to keep busy in general, but it's hard to not have an end in sight!

Some people we have met have taken as long as 6 months to start their homestudy! We were told that it shouldn't take us that long, but now we aren't so sure.

What can we do but keep busy and wait?

Keep us in your thoughts! Pray for something to happen sooner!

Words Can Hurt...

Gianna here.

We have shared our news of adoption with our friends, family, and coworkers, and we have mostly gotten a lot of congratulations and warm wishes, and are truly thankful for that. We do appreciate it.

But we need to talk about the not-so-nice things that people say.

I had someone, who I know had good intentions, say some not-very-nice-things about adoption (especially of older children) to me. It was something along the lines of "I don't know how you could adopt an older child. Those kids are a bunch of brats and psychopaths! I would be afraid to sleep at night!"

I wasn't really even offended at first. I was really more shocked. People hear some crazy stories in the news, and so sometimes people get weird ideas. But then, I got upset. That is MY kid they are talking about! I may not know my child yet, I may not know when they are coming, but they are still MY child! Would you say something like that to a pregnant woman? Charles Manson wasn't adopted and look how HE turned out!

Then I got to thinking about the possibility of someone saying something crazy to one of us, and our child overhears. Then what? How incredibly hurtful would it be to hear a comment like that, or something more mundane, like "Where are their REAL parents" or any of a thousand things that could be said.

The bottom line is, we love this child, or children, that we haven't even met yet, with an amazing intensity. We plan things we want to do together, and wonder about what they will look like, and what they will be interested in, just like parents expecting a baby. We are their real parents. Please keep that in mind.

I have compiled some sites across the web, with some of the hurtful things people ask, or say to adoptive parents (and, their friends and family). Please read these if you have a moment. I trust that those close to us would never do anything to hurt our, or more importantly, our children's feelings, but if someone asks you, or says, one of these things, please respond appropriately.

I also don't want anyone to think that I (we, really) aren't open to answering questions people may have. As long as they are respectful, and in the interest of learning, and not just being nosy. Do us a favor and give us a call, or shoot an email, rather than asking in a public way, so that we can answer the question in the best way.

We would just appreciate it if you could make it clear to our child, whoever they may be, and to the rest of the world, that they are completely loved and accepted.

Much Love,

            Gianna

Some Questions (And Responses to Them)
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/4-questions-not-to-ask-adoptive-parents-2409706.html

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/how-much-did-your-kid-cost.html

http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/30/stupid-questions-people-ask-adoptive-parents-and-our-smartass-a/

http://honestmomblog.wordpress.com/stupid-adoption-questions/