90 Days

Yesterday marked the 90th day that our boys have lived with us, which means that we can officially petition for adoption! We should have a court date by July 1st! To mark the occassion, some family came over for dessert ( a cake that Little Munchkin helped bake from scratch, and Big Munchkin decorated!) and we toasted them and celebrated how much we love them and just spent time together as a family.

90 days of good mornings and good nights
90 breakfasts and dinners
90 days of laundry
90 days of bedtime stories
90 days of kisses
90 days of play
90 days of thinking chairs
90 days of "I love you"

Only 90, and at the same time, a whole 90! Depending on how I think about it, it feels like it's been forever, or just a few moments.

I feel like I have known and loved these boys forever, but it seems like only yesterday that I got that phone call.

When they have a hard time going to bed it feels like "I can't believe he is still doing this!", but it really hasn't been long at all. Now, in retrospect, Big Munchkin maybe had one really bad month, and Little Munchkin has had a bad week or two. Considering that they have been uprooted from the one place they finally felt safe, after a series of different foster homes and placements, that they knew they were not going to attend the same school next year, and still has to adjust to two new people who have new rules and new ways of doing things, it's only been 3 months. I mean, I almost feel silly for feeling so frustrated.

There's a lesson there for me. It is important to take it moment by moment, but it is also important to make sure you are taking a good look at the big picture.

90 wonderful, fabulous days with my boys.

Summer "School"

I just need to rant for a minute.

Every day, my boys practice writing their names, and do some handwriting practice. Then Little Munchkin practices counting, sight words, and cutting. Big Munchkin does math and language work from a workbook.

The other day at the library, they were doing some practice, and a woman told me that I should just let them be kids and play. "Afterall, it's summer vacation!" I smiled, and just went back to helping Little Munchkin with his sight words, but I was pretty peeved. 

My kids have changed homes, parents, and ways of life in the past three months. They are going to new schools this August. That takes a toll on what they learned in school, and how they will learn when they get to school this year. What I am doing is giving just a little extra cushioning to make sure that they are well prepared. 

First of all, the stuff they do amounts to a little under an hour a day, 5 days a week. That's less than one school day a week for the summer. Secondly, kids lose up to 80% of what they learn every school year over the first month of summer vacation. I am just trying to keep a little bit of that in their heads. The rest of the day is filled with playgrounds, legos, arts and crafts, bowling, movies, and the beach. They are having plenty of fun. Lastly, and most astounding to me, since when did it become ok for anyone, but especially a stranger, to criticize a parent IN FRONT OF HER KIDS? 

Seriously, I have no problem with a little friendly advice, but not in front of my kids, and not while I am actively parenting. If you want to come to me later, when they are not around, and give me some advice, I will be open to receiving it, but probably not if you are some random person in the library, or on the street.

This is an active issue. At one Foster Adoptive Parent Association meeting, a foster mom told about how one of her kids threw a huge tantrum in the middle of the store because she wouldn't buy him a toy. As she was taking him out of the store, kicking and screaming, another person came up to her and said "Just buy him the damn toy. Then he will stop." One, that is terrible advice. Two, did you really just undermine that parents authority, in the middle of public, in front of the child? She just said she doesn't reward bad behavior and walked out. I probably would have asked the person how their kids were doing in prison.

End Rant.